Oh I forgot to tell you about the sentencing surprise… There’s always a surprise…

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I still don’t understand exactly what happened or  exactly what this means, but I guess I know as much as the County Attorney’s office, so that’s… well I guess that’s really nothing….

I think I mentioned that shockingly enough I was late to the sentencing . I was really only four to five minutes late, which in my world means I was early, but we can just say I was on time(ish).  It didn’t matter though because the judge hadn’t read the letters yet.

Have I mentioned that I really liked the judge?  And yes I am being serious, there was something I really liked about her.  I would have liked her regardless of if she chose to pre-read those letters, but I have to say I appreciated that move and maybe not at first, but it was the right thing to do.

Why?  Because the letters were important to us and even more important to Madi and Tyler.  When she took time before the hearing and we were all aware of what that time was being used for it gave that moment the significance it deserved.  It was a form of respect.  With the letters being fresh on her mind she was able to say a few things that I felt sent a message  to the Gardner’s and their attorney.  In my opinion it felt like we finally had someone on our side and after being so violated by this whole situation I will say it was noticed and appreciated.   But even without all of that if you are a diva boss woman judge you should be late to everything no matter what .  You should also show up wherever you go with a bedazzled Gavel, but she wouldn’t do that, she just knew how to make a statement.  Don’t get me wrong the district court judge has also made us wait, but I think his stalling was more of a;  What the hell are you guys pulling?  Nope, hold on, wait a damn minute, type of making us wait.

So here’s a fun fact… Did you guys know Marilee’s Lawyer  was also one of Warren Jeffs’ defense attorney’s?  Sorry I know that is way off the subject and placed here randomly for no apparent reason, but I am getting to our surprise.   I have known about this odd selection since the beginning of this legal process and I have never been able to wrap my head around it.

Let’s think this through for a minute.  She was representing Warren Jeffs’, hmm odd, but ok.   Let’s see who else she has represented?  Well there’s this guy .   Wait isn’t that the same guy that ??… Oh yep it is it’s the same guy.. How fun!!   I wonder how they all know each other?  I  actually don’t know the answer to that question, but don’t worry I am going to delve into it.  Wait one more… where are my laughing emoji’s?  You all better be clicking on these links, I worked hard to find the perfect pictures of this circus.

I guess perhaps it worked out for them, but I am not a good one to ask.  I Googled every possible thing related to Marilee’s case to see if that firm came up and never once did they come up as an option.  And yes I know he probably didn’t Google defense attorneys for his daughter, but I do know they were called in the middle of the night, so where did this recommendation or “great find” come from?  Just odd if you ask me.

Oh and while I’m completely off subject and talking about odd selections …Dr. Gardner did speak on sentencing day.  I would usually say that I don’t want to sound mean, but I don’t care if I sound mean.  He stood up, he was crying, I braced myself and for a brief second thought a sincere apology was coming.   As soon as I heard “Our Heavenly Father” I started crying, not because it was such an emotional outpouring, but because it didn’t mean anything at that point, it was not sincere .  There was no meaning behind his words and I didn’t want or need his memorized, recycled prayers.  I blocked him out, but one of my best friends told me he actually said “time heals all wounds”..  Are you kidding me?  My brain knows when to start blocking that’s for sure.

I’m still confused about our surprise,  there was no presentation and a  surprise should have a presentation right?  It shouldn’t just be randomly brought up, right?  Now you can see that I tried to create the same effect with the Gardner’s polygamy lawyer thing, did it work?  Oh wait, we don’t know what it was intended for and can’t answer yes or no, but we can answer if it sounds like a fun thing or not.

This surprise is not something I couldn’t have imagined getting, but it turns out every 90 days Marilee Gardner will get a parole hearing in the juvenile system.  What?? (I know that was our reaction). It was just randomly dropped here and there during sentencing, kind of mentioned in passing like we were aware.  Granted I wouldn’t have known regardless because I was fired by our advocate, but one would think the others knew about this new development, but nope they did not.

This was frustrating when we first found out.  Marnie has been on it as far as communicating with the juvenile court and I think we will make the most of it.  We get to be there every 90 days, we get to show that we are not going anywhere, and we have been told this is a first for them.  They have not had to deal with anything like this.   We should probably apologize in advance…


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Why I am the way I am. A complete #$@&*%$ Rant..plus a list of why I do and also why I don’t care what I say

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Sorry Y’all, but I will thank you in advance for being my therapist.  I am trying to write factual and informing posts.  I want as best as I can to show my/our frustrations.

A  skill I have learned during the last 16 months is to control my reactions, and the reason this is such a necessity is that no one listens to emotion.  You can be completely losing it..crying, frantic, freaking out, completely inconsolable and no one working in the justice system will show real concern.

People who have jobs that one would think would require them to have some compassion don’t have it.  But really why would they?  How hard would it be in your day-to-day life if you had a job dealing with crime victims and you were actually engaged to a point of feeling their pain. I am not saying that sarcastically either, I am being objective and sincere.   If you had a job so closely related to people going through their darkest days and you let yourself get immersed  in their grief it would eat you alive.

The problem with dealing with people who have these types of jobs is we aren’t on an even playing field with them.  They know how to deal with us and we didn’t get a playbook.  Beyond that we don’t even realize that there is a game going on, some of us figure it out around half time, and others they have no clue what just happened..

This treatment and the entire process brings out an anger in you that you never knew existed.  To get that anger out you have to take charge and stick up for yourself.  You have to become a force, it’s fight or flight.  Some of us get in fight mode, and some wear blinders.  Some of us write letters to the judge, and some think the fighters have lost their mind and need a long vacation.

I don’t care what anyone thinks, I do however care about my loved ones feelings, so I sometimes attack on the down low.

Why I don’t care what I say
1) Because I am right
2) Because some people make me sick
3) If I don’t say it who else will?
4) Because someone ripped my heart out
5) Because when my children get older and figure out what really happened they will know that I fought.
6) Because before me there were many, many others who had to  fight the same fight.
7) Because these people are never going to do what is best for you, that is not their job
8) Because I will help others going through the same thing and if I stop saying what needs to be said I will be of no value to them
9) Because no one will tell me the truth or even point me in the right direction
10) Because I lost my first baby and this is what I have left that I can do for her
Why I do care what I say
1) I need my word to mean something
2) I don’t want to embarrass my kids
3) I want to help others going through this
4) I need to show I have merit
5) I need the truth
6) I need people to help me
7) Not everyone is horrible and I am still a respectful person
8) The other fighters need me
9) The flightees (yes made up word) need me too and I might need them, but probably not, if I do it would be to create a diversion and they would ‘t even know that they were part of the game
10) Because I lost my first baby and this is what I have left that I can do for her
Per Dictionary.com
Fight or Flight
nounPhysiology, Psychology.

1.

the response of the sympathetic nervous system to a stressful event,preparing the body to fight or flee, associated with the adrenalsecretion of epinephrine and characterized by increased heart rate,increased blood flow to the brain and muscles, raised sugar levels,sweaty palms and soles, dilated pupils, and erect hairs.
Also called fight-or-flight response.

 


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Why do some end like this and others end like ours? Wrong County?

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Provo • Testifying Wednesday in her own defense, Meagan Dakota Grunwald said she spent over two terrifying hours driving her truck on a snowy, foggy January afternoon last year as her boyfriend threatened her as he shot at police officers and passing motorists. Jose Angel Garcia-Jauregui threatened to kill her and her family, Grunwald, 18, […]

via Utah murder trial: Teen says boyfriend threatened to kill her before shooting officer — Shawn Miller


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Ind. teen high on drugs, crashes into a house at 107 MPH, kills 2 — Debra Petti

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Two sisters are dead after a teenager crashed into their house in Frankfort, Indiana. Police also say that teen was high on opiates. from USATODAY – News Top Stories http://rssfeeds.usatoday.com/~/443511142/0/usatoday-newstopstories~Ind-teen-high-on-drugs-crashes-into-a-house-at-MPH-kills

via Ind. teen high on drugs, crashes into a house at 107 MPH, kills 2 — Debra Petti


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