I started thinking about the strength we have today. I was chatting to a friend I recently met via Facebook. She had commented on one of my blog posts and us grieving mothers, we find each other and we hold on. Her son was murdered on 9/21/2017, he was only 19 and the story is just unbelievable, just horrific. We chat probably 2-3 times a week, he was her only child and she is devastated. I can honestly say when I read her messages I recall every feeling she is having now and I haven’t been able to explain to her how we don’t get over things, we don’t get better, but we get something that’s for sure…
Then I started thinking about sentencing and how I looked at my brother-in-law Lee and recognized that look he had when he spoke up about the prosecutor. It is so hard to explain, but I looked at him and I knew what was going on inside him. There isn’t a moment when you decide to start fighting back, it’s just like a snap of the finger and you have changed. That change isn’t going to ever go away, that change is here to stay. Lee had his snap of the finger quite a while ago, but I didn’t understand where his fight came from until that day.
I was talking to my newfound friend about my struggles at work, I don’t think they understand that I had my snap of the fingers 10-11 months ago. I will not be intimidated or tricked into questioning my rights or recognizing the reality of what has happened. There isn’t a whole lot a person or entity can threaten me with. It’s not a poker face, it’s just my face. I wrote to my friend the following:
“That is one thing I can say going through this, it makes it impossible for others to threaten or intimidate you because you have already lived your worst nightmare”.
And she confirmed my thoughts, she said she has no fear after what has happened.
I started thinking about super heroes, only because I had compared Lee to one on that day. But then I really started thinking about super heroes, and how they have mostly had tragic lives. Batman watched his parents be murdered; Spiderman was orphaned and raised by his aunt and uncle and then his uncle was murdered; Iron Man’s parents were killed in a corrupt and tragic car accident; and then there’s Wonder Woman…. Wonder woman was created by an American Psychologist and we all know she can save herself and anyone else, she never plays the victim. I am sure it is not a coincidence that her creator made her that way. I am not saying I am a super hero by all means, because I am a complete mess of a girl, but I will fight anyone these days.
I have said this repeatedly and mostly at work and about work; ” There isn’t anyone who is better than anyone else here and I won’t let anyone disrespect me and treat me like I don’t exist” .
I like to remind people the person they think is powerful isn’t the only one who has power. The person they “respect” out of fear isn’t the only one who can cause grief for them. That is in no way a threat, but if you know how others including myself have been mistreated and you go along with it because you are afraid to speak up, I will remember that, and also how you had your chance to do the right thing and did not. I will not go after a person for that, but they are no longer a consideration for me once they hit that point, they are out of my sight.
I also remembered a FB post from September, it was something I wrote after a week of being put through hell trying to do the right thing. I wasn’t alone in that battle, but with the secrecy that accompanies these types of fights it always seems like a lonely battle. I had not met my new friend when I wrote this, but I wrote it on 9/22, a day after she lost her son. And this kind of explains it, “it” being the new set of eyes you end up seeing through.
FB post from 9/22
This may seem negative, but it’s not.
If you are going to be a leader you better actually do what that means! It’s been a frustrating couple of weeks as things have come to a head and people’s true colors have been exposed. I figured out within 30 seconds that someone I believed in was full of sh**, but I also figured out that many are completely amazing and one in particular is a straight up crusader and gave me faith in humans again(for reals). So those middle of the ground leaders I hope you know that you lost a lot by not doing what you should have, respect is a hard thing to get and an impossible thing to get back, always remember the perceived weak will always get strong enough when you aren’t looking…..