Why I am the way I am. A complete #$@&*%$ Rant..plus a list of why I do and also why I don’t care what I say

Sorry Y’all, but I will thank you in advance for being my therapist.  I am trying to write factual and informing posts.  I want as best as I can to show my/our frustrations.

A  skill I have learned during the last 16 months is to control my reactions, and the reason this is such a necessity is that no one listens to emotion.  You can be completely losing it..crying, frantic, freaking out, completely inconsolable and no one working in the justice system will show real concern.

People who have jobs that one would think would require them to have some compassion don’t have it.  But really why would they?  How hard would it be in your day-to-day life if you had a job dealing with crime victims and you were actually engaged to a point of feeling their pain. I am not saying that sarcastically either, I am being objective and sincere.   If you had a job so closely related to people going through their darkest days and you let yourself get immersed  in their grief it would eat you alive.

The problem with dealing with people who have these types of jobs is we aren’t on an even playing field with them.  They know how to deal with us and we didn’t get a playbook.  Beyond that we don’t even realize that there is a game going on, some of us figure it out around half time, and others they have no clue what just happened..

This treatment and the entire process brings out an anger in you that you never knew existed.  To get that anger out you have to take charge and stick up for yourself.  You have to become a force, it’s fight or flight.  Some of us get in fight mode, and some wear blinders.  Some of us write letters to the judge, and some think the fighters have lost their mind and need a long vacation.

I don’t care what anyone thinks, I do however care about my loved ones feelings, so I sometimes attack on the down low.

Why I don’t care what I say
1) Because I am right
2) Because some people make me sick
3) If I don’t say it who else will?
4) Because someone ripped my heart out
5) Because when my children get older and figure out what really happened they will know that I fought.
6) Because before me there were many, many others who had to  fight the same fight.
7) Because these people are never going to do what is best for you, that is not their job
8) Because I will help others going through the same thing and if I stop saying what needs to be said I will be of no value to them
9) Because no one will tell me the truth or even point me in the right direction
10) Because I lost my first baby and this is what I have left that I can do for her
Why I do care what I say
1) I need my word to mean something
2) I don’t want to embarrass my kids
3) I want to help others going through this
4) I need to show I have merit
5) I need the truth
6) I need people to help me
7) Not everyone is horrible and I am still a respectful person
8) The other fighters need me
9) The flightees (yes made up word) need me too and I might need them, but probably not, if I do it would be to create a diversion and they would ‘t even know that they were part of the game
10) Because I lost my first baby and this is what I have left that I can do for her
Per Dictionary.com
Fight or Flight
nounPhysiology, Psychology.

1.

the response of the sympathetic nervous system to a stressful event,preparing the body to fight or flee, associated with the adrenalsecretion of epinephrine and characterized by increased heart rate,increased blood flow to the brain and muscles, raised sugar levels,sweaty palms and soles, dilated pupils, and erect hairs.
Also called fight-or-flight response.

 

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