My Madi our Madi. What we really lost and why I won’t let anyone treat this like no big deal….Pictures, pictures and more pictures, and some video too…

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This is going to be a hard couple of weeks.  Marilee Gardner’s sentencing for the first attempted murder charge will be on 10/25/2017.   I have to say I am shocked when people read my blog and don’t know the story.  I always assume anyone that reads this already knows what happened.  I am surprised at how many people read what I write, but very thankful especially considering how hard it has been to get anyone to listen.  This seems easy, my last post has 865 views.  Honestly I don’t know what I am doing or if that is even good, but to me it is a priceless comfort so thank you so much.

For those of you who have reached out and asked what happened I have attached what video I could find from youtube to this post.

Right now I am on a deadline.  I have to write a letter, and I have to read that letter in front of everyone at the sentencing… well I don’t have to…and honestly after talking to Marnie this week I don’t even think anyone involved deserves to hear what I have to say, but I have to keep it real so somehow that is what I am going to do.  I am going to be as honest and as real as I can be, which will probably mean medication and with medication always comes the added benefit of not knowing what might come out of my mouth.

I am not going to lie I have already been plotting, sometimes my anger sends me in some crazy directions.  I will try to do what is right, but there is a backup plan….there’s always a back up plan.

When I think about wrong from right while making decisions since this tragedy I always picture Madi’s mischievous look and hear her laughing, that is where the problem lies… in my heart of hearts I know Madi wants me to do what I have been doing, she was a good girl but when pushed to the edge she would definitely make sure you heard about it.   Who knows what will happen, I don’t even have a clue or guess of what will happen.  The Day- to-day is an unknown and this day will be no exception other than I know she wants me to do what’s real and I don’t have a problem with that.

For those of you taking time to look at this post, thank you so much, more than you could possibly know.  This is my baby, these are my babies, this is me with my babies and as you can see we are now missing a huge part of who we are.  There isn’t one of us that isn’t mischievous, but a big part of the laughter and jokes will forever be missing and we are not going to get that back, no one can replace what she meant to us and every day is a struggle.  I do not know how to put us back together and Madi and this disaster are the first things I think of each morning.

Madi, lately I miss you so much and the reality of you being gone is setting in big time.  You were beautiful, smart, mouthy, sarcastic, quick-witted, innocent and determined, you stuck up for people and there was one moment in my life where you were the only one that said what I needed to hear to make me wake up and fix something majorly broken.  You told me we could do it, that we could make it and that you would help me.  That was all I needed to dig my way out of a hopeless situation.  I don’t have the power to fix this situation, this nightmare of someone taking you, but I will keep trying…

Sorry all, I don’t intend on my blog being a sad thing like this post seems to be, but with what is coming up I need to honor her  and right now this is the only place and the best place that I can do that.

I haven’t been able to write, I have been blocked for over a week now.  I have many, many, many things I can mouth off about in any given instant, but I can’t seem to write it out, and I think this is why.  I am sad and I want to concentrate on her and what we lost, what we really lost not all of the BS we’ve had to endure since losing her.

This is an extremely hard time for us, this process is coming to an end and it doesn’t feel right.  We want to let Madi and Tyler rest, we don’t want them to worry about us, but it doesn’t seem like an ending, it doesn’t seem like closure, but the reality of the situation is we have no choice in this.  We didn’t have a choice when they were taken and we don’t have a choice now.

We miss our girl, we will always miss her and we love her, no matter what differences we all have as a family we have this unbreakable bond, we love Madi.


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